Brave an unpleasant situation as conductors do (4, 3, 5)**. The clue was swirling through my mind as I weaved my way back to Cape Town. I was concentrating on the clue to distract me from the fact that when I got back home I would have to face the music.
But would I have the courage to confess that I had strayed? After 10 years of being faithful (give or take a night or two) I had been disloyal. I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want to, but I was. I suppose after all those years of “eating off the same menu” it was to be expected that I would want to taste something new; something different. I’m just human. I have itches, urges, desires and needs. Would it be any consolation if I explained that it didn’t mean anything?
It was a once-off thing, it was over in a flash and it was disappointing.
I had been invited to a journalism conference in Grahamstown. I drove from Cape Town to Grahamstown via the Garden Route, where I stopped over at my in-laws to spend the night. When I got there I discovered that my in-laws weren’t alone. They had company – a mysterious temptress.
After dinner my in-laws went to bed, leaving the two of us alone. The temptress was next to me on the couch. I tried to act aloof. Maybe it was the glass of wine I had at dinner or maybe it was the long car journey, but my interest was high and my resistance was low.
A little look wouldn’t hurt, I thought. A look led to a touch and before I knew it my hands were all over the enchantress. There, on my in-laws’ couch, I started to get busy. “Sweetheart,” I muttered. And that’s when my mother-in-law walked in. She looked at me. I looked at her. A pregnant pause followed. Finally, my mother-in-law broke the awkward silence.
“Is the light good enough for your crossword puzzle?”
I am a crossword polygamist. I have three crossword “wives” – the Business Day’s 30-minute cryptic crossword (which I’ve been doing for the past seven years), the WH in the Sunday Times (we tied the word knot five years ago), and the cryptic crossword in the Cape Times (we got hitched two years ago when I moved to Cape Town). I may have three crossword “wives” but I am faithful, I give each crossword my undivided attention and I never play one crossword off against the others.
My day starts and ends with crosswords. The Cape Times crossword is the first one I attempt. I know what sort of day I’m going to have depending on how successful I am with the crossword. If I get it out I’m bulletproof, but if I don’t solve a single clue I know it’s going to be a horrible day and I may as well stay in bed (and I do).
At night the shrink (my crossword companion and human wife) and I tackle the BD’s crossword. The week ends with the WH.
Over the years I have come to know a bit about how the compilers think.
A cryptic crossword is a battle of wits between you and the compiler, who is known as a cruciverbalist. The compiler’s job is to trick you; to lead you in the opposite direction. Your job is to see through his or her guile to work out the clue.
The crossword that was on my in-laws’ couch was published in the Daily Dispatch, East London’s main rag.
“Sweetheart”, by the way, was the answer to 11 Across. The wets are out of order, darling (10). “Sweetheart” is an anagram of “the wets are”. “Out of order” indicates the anagram.
The crossword may have been a change, but the clues were unfamiliar. The fling was unfulfilling and it made me realise just how much I missed my “wives”.
After the conference, on my way back to Cape Town, I stopped at a coffee shop in Knysna and picked up a cup of tea and a local newsletter. I whizzed past the pages about Bobby winning the under-10 spelling prize and Mr Vale’s giant pumpkin until I landed on the crossword puzzle. Most of the clues were straightforward synonyms, but one clue was mysterious. TTTT (4).
I was intrigued. No, I was stumped.
At first I thought the answer was “forty” – four T – but forty has five letters. Maybe the answer was tease? But that also has five letters! Could it be Tutu? No, that’s two tus, not four Ts. My tea arrived. Tea? Maybe the clue has something to do with tea? But “teas” didn’t fit. Was the answer “fort” – “for” (homonym of four) + “t”?
No. I thought about the TTTT clue so much my eyes went squint. I stared so hard in concentration that I saw dots in my tea, but still I couldn’t work out the answer.
Enough was enough – with crossed eyes and dotted teas I vowed to stay crossword faithful.
* Crosswords
** Face the music
